Gather around children and let me tell you about that wonderful time of year when leaders are chosen to guide America through the next years of stalemate, at least when said leaders aren't campaigning for their next seat. That's right, it is election time!
These elections decisions are not to be taken lightly, that is why you children can't vote until you are 18 and have had a chance to let cynicism and irrational ties to parties take over your life. Nor should they be based on superficial categories like merit, values, or stances on issues.
Instead, we should apparently be basing our decisions on the more important question of who has the least shitty campaign ads. Ah, the political campaign ads. Through several weeks, I have yet to see one ad that shows what a candidate stands for or what he or she plans to do. Maybe that is because "Nothing" doesn't look good in large print on screen with the condescending voice in the commercials.
However, I can tell you exactly what the opposing party wants the public to think about certain individuals. And I have to believe them right? They use the condescending voice? Who can question the condescending voice?
Who is stupid enough to believe this crap and base a decision upon it? Crap, that would be us. Clearly, marketers have done studies to see what is most effective and this shit wins. I am embarrassed for all of us. The aliens who are about to take over our planet are laughing their three asses off.
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